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Sex is universal. 

Yet it's a unique experience for each person. I suspect we're more alike than different. 
 
These six (6) steps are meant to affirm what you're already doing right in your lovemaking and enhance other areas that might need refinement:

Step #1:   Psychological & comfort level

First, select a partner that you are genuinely attracted to physically. Compatible chemistry is a must! Usually, sparks will fly automatically when your pheromones match. Whether you've been with a lover for a few days or a few decades, you know how comfortable you are with discussing sexual issues or experimenting in the bedroom. Some call it kismet. 

Are you both willing to try something new you've just read online? Does your partner listen to your signals? Pay attention to what works and what doesn't? 

Step #2:  Adequate foreplay

Foreplay is an essential ingredient for good sex and too often missing. What's adequate for one partner may not be enough for another. For that matter, what's enough one day is not right the next. Foreplay consists of kissing, touching butt and breasts, vaginal stimulation in a way the recipient likes. State what you want in a constructive way, such as, "Do that again, but slower." Be honest. 

Lubrication is also something to keep in mind. Have some water-soluble on hand. Also, saliva works great in a pinch. Food, drink, and sex go together like snow-skiing and Jacuzzi dips. Two, or more, consenting adults should explore a variety of ideas. Toe-sucking is a turn-on for many. 

Sometimes there are reasons that get in the way of getting the right mindset to begins with foreplay in the first place, which includes the following: 
fatigue, hunger, stress, pain, mood, pregnancy, past experiences, upbringing, medication interference, restrictive religious beliefs etc.  Fix what you can and deal with the complicated issues the best you can. 

Most women prefer to take at least 10-15 minutes getting warmed up to the idea. So a back or foot massage is a good start. Medium to deep pressure relaxes while light touch excites. Alternating soft and tender with rough and deeper massage has a positive effect. 

Step#3: The benefits of breathing

Be sure to breathe fully during crescendos of lovemaking. Oxygen in your lungs stimulates your senses. Breathing deeply increases physical performance as any athlete knows. If your mouth is slightly open and your wrist and knees slightly bent, you will automatically be more relaxed. 
 

Experts agree that to breathe properly, fill the upper part of your chest first and your abdomen last when inhaling. Reverse the process when exhaling.
Steady deep breaths enhance your physical pleasure, especially during climax.

Step #4: Making noises in the bedroom

Like breathing, making sound is an important step in the realization of pleasure, especially if you want to develop a capacity for orgasms. Sex sounds are natural. As you let out noises and groans, you exchange energy with your partner, letting him/her know what pleases you. It also helps control the tempo of rhythms with each new release.  

Nothing quite reaches the inner core of a lover's heart as much as hearing his/her name during the heat of passion. My advice is to incorporate a few new sex sounds into your sex life. See what happens. You may surprise your partner. Making noises keeps you in the present. 

Step#5:  The power of positioning

For better sex, try a number of positions during each love-making session. Experiment with different tilts and angles of penetration to discover the many that give you pleasure. The basic four is the only place to start: 

1) Frontal (face to face) 

2) Sideways (legs-in-between)
3) Rear entry (doggie style)
4) Astride (sitting)

There are advantages and disadvantages to each of the variations. Remember, you have a right to suggest a change at any time. Invent names for a particular position that you like. Say, "Let's do the inward gainer!" if you want to make love head to toe. Reverse cowgirl is also a favorite. And, for oral sex, the head-to-toe (sixty-nine) position is a popular one. 

Step #6: Opening Up

I am referring more to a psychological phenomenon here. It's an art to truly receive what your partner has to give. Being receptive is not the same as taking. It's not spacing out into passivity. A passive partner is a boring one. Each partner should have the opportunity to receive. True receiving is without greed. It means paying attention to your partner to make the experience a mutual one. 

Likewise, giving is not the same as controlling someone. To give freely never violates the comfort level of another person. Giving openly is being sensitive to the needs and desire of the receiver. Pure giving has no air of desperation or compulsion. Many insecure people feel compelled to give continuously so they can feel needed or loved. 

Ideally, partners take turns taking the initiative. Better yet, the lines of giving and receiving become so blurred that it's difficult to distinguish between the giver and the receiver. Have confidence in yourself and your mate. Watch the magic happen!

 


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