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Yes, we all know that you must work at a relationship! Everyone deserves to feel loved, valued, and appreciated. To get those blessings, you must first give them. But how exactly?

You want your partner to have your back and vice versa, right? Well, oftentimes, partnerships are more one-sided than mutually-supportive. A lop-sided union is destined to fail.

Acknowledge five (5) reasons why many relationships don't last. Your efforts make a difference! 

Reason #1:  No clear mutual plans & goals
Let's begin at the starting place, shall we? When you go out with someone for the first time, what's your goal? To kill some time? To have sex? Companionship? To find a mate? To get out of the house? To be seen in public? To have a good time?

Decide what you really want and then communicate those ideas to the person you're dating for more than two-three weeks. At that point, it's usually an easy breakup, by explaining that you want to move forward. Say, "I think you're ________(fun & smart). I'm just looking for something different." 


Reason #2:  Insecurity & immaturity
When I read threads on Reddit, I see many many immature comments. Of course, some great advice is given. Everyone has an opinion if you post a question & frequently they aren't nice about it. Grow up first. Wait before diving into a serious relationship. If random sex is your thing, at least practice safe sex after swiping left or right on Tinder. There is a price to pay for sex addiction, however. Usually, there's a complicated underlying emotional issue that needs to be resolved professionally. 

Not surprisingly, I find that so many men & women are just insecure. You've got to get a life. Learn some competencies. Get a hobby. Try new interests. Read. Travel. Learn a language. Volunteer. Work out. Help others. Paint. Find a better job. Dance.

Reason #3:  Procrastination or unwise use of time

I know a few really smart and interesting people who never had a long-term relationship (over 1.5 years) or never got married, although they wanted to cohabitate with someone special. Now they feel very lonely and tell me, I don't know where the time went. In my 20's I thought I could just screw around. When I turned 30, my career was taking off; by the time I was in my 40's, I was very set in my ways. Now I'm almost 53 and I'm still single. Where did my life go?  Looking back, I know exactly what they mean as far as time flashes. Everyone has regrets. 

Create the life you want. Don't wait too long. Keep active. Meet-up groups are a great way to meet like-minded people in your local area. Give people a chance. 

Reason #4:  Lack of understanding & listening skills
I don't know why listening skills aren't taught in elementary school. Many parents are good role-models in this area; but what about other children who aren't as lucky?  Each student should be required to role-play and/or discuss ways to improve socialization & communication skills, such as conflict resolution, eye-contact, making I-statements, listening, rephrasing, suspend judgment before disagreeing etc.

How to give and receive feedback should be mandatory. I'm afraid we've encountered a whole new generation of children who feel slighted any time a teacher or friend criticizes them. On college campuses, the students want to be coddled, which doesn't appear age-appropriate. I hear so much about "microaggressions," which, of course, are often real. Sometimes, though, it's much ado about nothing. If schools taught the same competency-based progressive communication curriculum nationwide, then students would be on the same page by the time they attend a university. Maybe more students would get clarification before jumping to conclusions. 

Reason #5:  Failure to prepare
You can't just watch sit-coms all day and expect to learn how to get along with the opposite sex (or whomever you're attracted to). Well, yes, I'm being somewhat facetious, but my point is valid. I suppose this fifth reason harkens back to #4 above.

How do you prepare for a long-term relationship? Think about it. What skills do you really need to be a loving, supportive, appreciative partner? Think how you want to be treated. Decide. Act. Make wise choices. Be the best person you can be as often as you can. Nobody's perfect. Most good things in life take practice. Practice the skills above. Go to a workshop. Learn online. Join Toastmasters. Volunteer. Ask the person you are dating if they can give you tips on how to be a better boyfriend or girlfriend. 

I recommend a simple partnering exercise. When done just twice (2x) a month for 10 minutes, it teaches you a way to stay on the same page. See my earlier blog.
http://wisewords4women.com/3/post/2017/07/staying-on-the-same-page.html








 


Comments

09/07/2017 1:48am

I agree with this post and we need to the guidance for live a successful life. So try to create the communication with each other. Many peoples like t other person but they has communication and this gape is first reason of fail the relation in many time a life.

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09/18/2017 9:01pm

Yes, I also agree with this post. There are so many relationships that fail because of lack of these things: respect, communication and trust. Let us always remember that relationships are choices. It is is a commitment. It is choosing that person over and over again every day from the day you wake up. It is choosing to be with that person even if there are days that you feel fed up with your partner. Relationships are hard work. No matter how much you love someone, it will come to that time when your love will start to wither.

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10/09/2017 4:19am

I agree with listening skills. They are needed so much!

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Because they are out of care,respect and sacrifice for each other.

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10/16/2017 1:25am

It all depends on these two people, time is all we need.

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